4am, the hour of disillusionment *Censored Version*

My editor of sorts told me the original post was too damning without experience. Maybe one day when I’m more “experienced” I’ll look back at it and see whether I still agree…but for now here’s to those kiddies reserved in love:

TOMP has done it again and again, I’m done.

Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much from the dating game, maybe it would be better to forget expectations and settle for the next invitation that comes my way…at least it came. Perhaps I should put more invitations of my own out there?

Then again, should I have to completely dash my romantic ideals inspired by Disney and nurtured by hours of daydreaming? No. It’s just going to take a lot more action on my part to make them a reality. I’m going to have to get over the fear of failure (and to some extent success). I can’t go on living in a rosy haze of expectation.

As this wave of disappointment at TOMPs non-cooperation washes over me and I type bitterly, I’m also aware that I shouldn’t rely on him or anyone else to make my life happen. , it’s probable that in a few hours, the infamous TOMP will do something that, like a dying Ambipur diffuser, will release the faint scent of those damned Disney roses to once more cloud my mind and lead me to give in to the safety of passive admiration.

Only this time I’m not going to let myself go back to being a passenger on this ring road of excitement and dejection. Jesus give me the wheel, I got this. Crusin’ on confidence and determination about to take the next exit and make things go my way.

Still, I’m convinced that a spontaneous and enthusiastic co-pilot is out there somewhere- If TOMP, the epitome of all that’s frustrating in Love and War, is capable of consistently resurrecting feelings I try hard to cast off, surely there is someone who can do it better. So: Keep the faith. There, there. They’re there. I assure you…but you can’t wait for them to come to you.


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