.Dear TOMP, I’m done…Wait, no I’m not.

TOMP is always changing, I’m always the same.

My closest friends in my closest circles and everyone else who has ever met me, are aware of how quickly (or very very slowly and painfully-Counterman&co.) The Object of My Pathetic can change. One second I’m shuffling down Trumpintgton Street half-hoping, half-fearing I’ll run into the protagonist of my daydreams-which, by the way, are a recipe for disaster and disappointment- the next, an Unidentified Flying King of Cool cloaked in the coolest cloak of cool and wearing Cheap Monday jeans brushes past. Suddenly it’s ciaociao The Object of My Past, I have a new mission in life and it’s to find out WHO THAT WAS AND I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I DO. *TO FACEBOOK*

Unidentified Flying King of Cool becomes Identified FutureHusband King of Cool and I transition from Queen of Cool to Queen of Crazy abusing social media to track my love- Aww, look at that baby phot-WHO IS THAT GIRL?…WHY IS SHE THERE AGAIN?…AND AGAIN?! Suddenly I’m on the stalker’s trail to the profile of every female to have ever crossed his path. Not good. I close the multiple tabs of ‘intense research‘ and take a deep breath:

I don’t care, he doesn’t care, he wouldn’t care, why would he care? Why do I care? I don’t. I do. I do care. I care quite a lot actually.” *TO FACEBOOKagain*

The Three Evils of Crushing-

Facebook, “Portal to TOMP’s soul and heart and/or identity”- That is all.

Contact, “Selling your soul to the Devil”- Should, after finding them on Facebook, you decide to make contact with The Object of Your Pathetic- or even worse should he/she/they contact you- be prepared to spend days and nights agonising over slow replies, unsatisfactory replies or  no reply. You haven’t known crazy until the “seen” message stamp or the blue ticks appear on your message yet you’re left waiting for his. You haven’t known crazy until the arrow on your HILARIOUS snapchat becomes an outline yet there is no pink or blue box indicating one in return. In desperation you might plead with your makers or attempt to send mental waves telling the recipient to just ANSWER YOU by staring at your screen until it feels like your eyeballs will pop out. Still nothing. Consequently, you have NOT known insanity until you see him/her/Them interacting with other girls whilst You are suffering from the above agonies.

Daydreaming, “a recipe for disaster and disappointment”– When I’m not attempting psychic manipulation through cyberspace, you’ll probably find me zoned out, wrapped up in some outlandishly perfect alternate reality where everything goes my way and TOMP does everything I want. Mistake. TOMP never did, does, and probably never will do what I want. Daydreaming is dangerous. Daydreaming leads to thoughts like: “If it can happen in my head, WHY CAN’T IT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE?” then your day…year, is ruined. God forbid the Powers That Be actually grant your wishes and make one or, if you’re unlucky, a few of your crazed imaginings real. There is no source of false hope like a daydream fulfilled.

All of this crazy that comes with making someone The Object of Your Pathetic will probably have you repeating the phrase “That’s it I’m done”. Yet, every time it leaves your mouth, you know you’re not done. You’re never done. You might move on from someone but it’s only onto another or others.

Soooo, this post doesn’t really have an end because I’m still in the throes of it…but chances are it’s going to continue until TOMP shifts…and then it’s going to start again. It’s a tough life.

*TO FACEBOOKyetagain*


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